


a moment in time

by brightsidedjh



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2012 Phan, Alternate Realities, Angst, Arguing, Fluff, Getting Back Together, M/M, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Post-Break Up, Sliding Doors AU, it's half angst half fluff, kinda happy ending, seriously watch sliding doors first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 01:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9297911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightsidedjh/pseuds/brightsidedjh
Summary: In 2012, a split second moment sends Dan Howell's life in two very different directions.(based on the film Sliding Doors)





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this is my first chaptered fic - i'm usually at twitter.com/brightsidedjh so please come say hi over there! 
> 
> if you haven't seen the film sliding doors, it's basically about gwyneth paltrow's character's life splitting into two different realities; in one, she catches a tube train and finds her boyfriend cheating on her, and in the other, she misses the train and gets home late and never catches him. this story is obviously different but i haven't really seen one like this so i hope it turns out well!! 
> 
> please give it a chance, and any kudos and comments are very much appreciated :)

They haven’t spoken in three days. Aside from the odd request to pass the salt or change the channel, there’s been nothing but radio silence within the Dan and Phil flat. 

They both desperately hate it, but there’s not much that can be done. Phil, to his credit, has tried to be nothing but polite, kind and caring to his ex-boyfriend, and yet Dan has just been an asshole. It’s early February 2012, only a few months since YouTube had ‘glitched’ and accidentally unprivated a whole bunch of videos – including one from LessAmazingPhil that was very much meant to remain private.

The screaming match that had followed the video’s leak was unlike anything either of them had ever experienced. Dan had yelled and cried, chastising Phil for outing them before he was ready. Phil had tried desperately to defend himself but alas, Dan wouldn’t budge and could not see past the potential motives Phil would have to release the video. Despite the fact that he loved Dan far too much to do something like that.

Since then, things had been tense and awkward between the two. They’d kissed on New Year’s Eve, but not in a particularly loving manner, and then had swiftly fallen into bed together, causing Phil to start to think that maybe things would be okay. But in the morning, the other side of the bed was cold and they resumed their forced smiles and passive aggressive glares.

No matter what he did in an attempt to win Dan back, it seemed that the younger boy had forgotten about all the memories they’d shared and the promises and declarations of love that Phil still thought about everyday. 

Dan hasn’t forgotten. Every second of every day, he worries about how much he’s fucked things up with Phil, and how much of a coward he is. They’re heading to London tomorrow, for an impromptu trip suggested by Phil (it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day in two days and neither of them particularly want to spend the day moping sadly around the flat that was once filled with so much love).

Dan glances up from his laptop, finding Phil curled on the opposite end of the couch with a book in his hand. His hair is slightly ruffled and Dan thinks it looks adorable. He wishes he could slip back into Phil’s arms just as easily as he once would’ve. Going to bed isn’t quite as nice and cosy anymore.

“I’m tired. I’m gonna go to bed,” Dan announces, standing up abruptly and shutting his laptop. Phil looks up and shoots him a fond smile, maintaining the kind personality that Dan wishes he could break through. “Goodnight, Dan. Sleep well,” Phil says courteously. Dan huffs. “Yeah, okay.” 

He quietly stomps out of the room and flops onto his bed. Phil’s untouchable shield of armour is his ability to maintain passive. The very epitome of opposites attract, perhaps, as Dan is a fiery ball of emotions hurtling his way through life, ready to explode and burn at any moment. It doesn’t take much to set him off on a path of psychological destruction, mostly to himself. Phil, on the other hand, always feels more than he expresses. He is genuinely a caring and compassionate person, a nice person, but unlike Dan he manages to keep his feelings bottled up and displays his kind and friendly persona at all times.

It significantly bothers Dan that all it takes is one word from Phil and he’s riled up, or sad, or frustrated, and yet he can’t seem to break down Phil’s wall of defence no matter how much of a dick he is. 

He crawls into bed, annoyed, which isn’t an uncommon way for him to end the day. They’ve booked two separate hotel rooms in London and they’re both planning to do their own exploring during the day. In short, they just want to stay as far away from each other as possible. 

-

Dan’s alarm goes off at 9am, a completely reasonable hour to the average human, but the equivalent of the crack of dawn to Dan Howell. He fumbles his way out of bed and into a semi-decent outfit, avoiding making eye contact with himself in the mirror. He’s been feeling a lot more insecure and unsettled in his body recently, and he hates himself for it. He hates that he apparently needs Phil’s constant love and affection to maintain his own self-love. 

He straightens his hair quickly and ambles into the kitchen. Phil hesitantly smiles at him.

“Morning. Did you want a coffee?”

Dan shakes his head. “What time is our train?”

Phil looks nervous. “It’s at 11:30. We, uh…I mean, I…”

Dan rolls his eyes. Phil doesn’t have to try so hard to be polite and not upset Dan. Sure, Dan does get pissed off easily, but for once he wishes Phil would embrace that and get pissed off too. At least that’d be more fun.

“Spit it out, Phil.”

Phil stops stuttering – and starts rambling. “Well, our seats are currently booked next to each other. We can always change them at the station, you know, if you didn’t want to sit next to me, which I would completely understand! Of course, it’s up to you, I really don’t mind sitting with you, but if you wanted to change…”

“I get it!” Dan huffs. “And no, I don’t care. I’ll just have my headphones in anyway.”

Phil’s face morphs into possibly the most forced and strained smile Dan has ever seen. “Right. I’ll go finish packing then. I’ve booked a cab at 11.”

Dan just nods as Phil heads to his room. He gets up and makes himself a coffee.

-

The train ride isn’t too painful. Phil has his nose buried in a book, and Dan has Muse blasting in his ears. He tries not to think about the memories attached with this band and Phil. Thinking like that will just make him sad, and he’s trying not to be sad anymore.

London is as loud and busy as it always has been. They head to their hotel, only speaking when they have to, and just as they’re about to go into their separate rooms, Phil suggests they go out for dinner. Dan gapes at him.

“What, like a date?” He mocks.

Phil blushes slightly and scoffs. “No, Dan, not like a date. Never mind, don’t worry about it. I’d rather go with someone else.”

Phil swiftly walks into his room and shuts the door. Dan hears it as a slam.

-

That evening, Dan mopes around the hotel room. He doesn’t intend to, even after he hears the door next to his open and close once more as Phil undoubtedly heads out to dinner. 

He orders room service and scrolls through Tumblr. It’s not all that different to how he usually spends his evenings, he muses, but for some reason he’s craving more tonight.

The decision to go out and explore isn’t a hard one.

-

London is, of course, still buzzing and alive at 9pm. Dan spends an enjoyable two hours browsing street markets and eating cheap snacks that will probably make him gain weight. For once, however, he doesn’t care. 

He interacts with people, being extra friendly towards employees and market sellers, standing up on the tube for an elderly lady (who thanks him profusely and labels him as the best thing about the younger generation – a self esteem boost, to say the least) and even witnessing a young man propose to his girlfriend in a café. He can’t stop grinning as he and the other bystanders applaud and congratulate the couple. It’s a scene straight out of a movie.

Dan almost forgets about Phil for those two hours. Almost.

-

Dan is drunk.

Not completely wasted, but yeah, moderately intoxicated.

He’s at a pub, in…uh, where is he again? Someplace in London. Doesn’t really matter. He’s slurring his words as he asks the bartender, a nice looking young woman, for another drink. He’s saying something, something about how stupid boys are, and the woman is chuckling at him. He can barely hear himself think, let alone speak, but he’s less than concerned about making a fool of himself at this point.

The woman leans down to talk to him over the loud noise of the pub. 

“Sounds like you’ve got some boy issues, am I right?” She grins.

“Mm, yes. Boy issues. I’ve got loads of them.”

Dan thinks for a moment. “Can I talk about them?” He asks suddenly.

The girl looks up. “Sure, pal. I’m here all night.”

And so, Dan launches into a full length explanation of his entire relationship with Phil. From start to finish. The girl laughs, gasps and occasionally lets out little ‘aww’ sounds.

When he’s finished, Dan shrugs. “He probably hates me now.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I’m horrible to him. I just can’t stop myself. Why wouldn’t he hate me?”

She finishes scrubbing a glass and places it on the counter. “Well, how does he act around you? Does he act annoyed?”

Dan smiles slightly. “Not…not exactly. He always offers to make me food, and he’ll always watch whatever movie or show I want to watch, and he still smiles at me the way he did back when we were together. Last month, he stayed up all night with me when I had gastro…I dunno…he should hate me. I’m awful.”

“But it doesn’t sound like he does,” the woman interrupts, smiling at Dan. “I think he still loves you, actually. All hope does not seem lost to me.”

Dan allows himself another smile. “I guess not.” After a pause, he asks, “so what should I do?”

“Talk to him,” she says. “Go. Now.”

“Really?” Dan is nervous. Could he really try and fix his relationship with Phil? He knows things would be better if he could. So he nods. “O-okay. I’ll try. Thanks, um…”

“Sarah,” The girl chuckles. “Good luck!”

“Thank you, Sarah,” Dan takes a deep breath. “Bye!”

He jumps off of the barstool, inspirational music playing in his mind. If this were a movie, this would be the dramatic ending scene in which all of the problems are fixed and there’s a happily ever after.

Dan hopes that’s what’s about to happen.

-

The tube station is still busy. It’s 11pm, and Dan is eager to get to the hotel. Maybe he’ll end up spending the night in Phil’s room tonight, even in his arms! 

He races through the station, pushing through the crowds of people and onto the Piccadilly line platform. 

He’s rushing down the stairs, already puffed out and ready to trip over at any moment. He’s sprinting faster than he ever has before, and he leaps down the last two steps and rushes to the doors.

Someone, a kind stranger, sticks their arm out to hold the doors for Dan, and he gets on.

The journey is short and within ten minutes Dan is frantically pressing the elevator’s buttons, desperately trying to get upstairs. He knows it won’t be much longer until Phil goes to sleep, and he’ll be wearing earplugs with his door locked and Dan knows there’ll be no hope until morning.

He speed walks down the hallway and to his ex-boyfriend’s door, and knocks quietly. There’s a pause, and then the door cracks open.

-

He’s rushing down the stairs, already puffed out and ready to trip over at any moment. He’s sprinting faster than he ever has before, and he leaps down the last two steps and rushes to the doors.

There’s no kind stranger. The train’s doors close, the entire train packed to the brim, and Dan sighs with disappointment as it speeds off down the black tunnel.

An announcement suddenly sounds over the loudspeaker. Dan’s heart sinks as he hears that there will apparently be no more Piccadilly line services until 6am tomorrow morning. He must have the worst luck in the world.

He saunters outside, assuming his chance for tonight has passed. He hails a cab after a long walk and many attempts, feeling sleepy now, and makes it home at almost midnight. Fuck London traffic.

The light under Phil’s door is dark. He’s asleep.

Dan figures that maybe in the morning they’ll talk. Hopefully Sarah’s words and advice will stick with him, and he’ll still have the confidence and motivation to fix things when he wakes up.

Dan thinks it’s unlikely.

**Author's Note:**

> this might seem kinda confusing so far if you haven't seen the movie, but i promise it'll start to make sense! 
> 
> say hi on twitter!! @brightsidedjh :)


End file.
